WordPress doesn’t like too many images in a single post and it starts to act wonky. So, I’m breaking up the recap. Onto part two.
It’s the next day and Aaron knocks on the door of the manse. The girls for the final group date are all ready for boating and the lake. They are headed to Lake Powell in Arizona.
They arrive at Lake Powell and it’s really beautiful. The water is like a turquoise blue and there’s huge cliffs in the background. Though at the same time, where the group is, looks kind of isolated and doesn’t really have “a day at the lake” vibe. I am only judging by what’s on the TV. I’ve never been there.
The gang are on the boat and as a group the women are applying suntan lotion on Aaron. “Here’s to me being the envy of every man in the world right now!” he says. The girls all laugh. Ha ha, so much fun! They toast with their fruity mixed drinks.
We cut to a speedboat and Aaron setting up the inner tubes. Brooke says she has never ridden on an inner tube before. Her tone of voice makes it sound like she’s about to do something amazing. It does look pretty fun to be pulled by a speedboat while you hang on for dear life, but overall, I wouldn’t say it’s that special.
Aaron and Brooke have a contest to see who can hang on their inner tube the longest. The girls on the boat cheer and shout for them. Aaron deliberately flips over his tube. The speed of the boat is super fast so when he flips it’s like, bye!!
We see some of the women riding wet bikes while Heather and Aaron talk. He tells her this is the most relaxed he’s been all week. Aaron tells us the entire day was tension free and he had a lot of fun with everybody.
Aaron asks Heather about the drama at the house and we cut back to the mansion. Some of the women are talking after having lunch. The drama, if you want to call it that, is about who Aaron has kissed. Frances wasn’t expecting him to be kissing any of the women yet so she wonders, who’s next? Erin says it’s when you are alone with him that it happens. Well, I would think so. Gwen is just sitting there, because she’s made out with Aaron already.
We cut to Gwen who tells us she thinks it’s “very weird” to hear Aaron has made out with Suzanne and Christi on the same date when she had kissed him only the day before. We cut back to the women at the table and Helene is going on about how she thought the women would want to know him better before even thinking about kissing. This conversation is so directed. It’s kissing and they’re adults. You’d think they were all Freshman in high school.
We are back with Aaron and the gang. They are having dinner on the deck of the boat. It’s surf and turf; it looks really good. Aaron asks if the girls have any questions they’d like to ask him. Hayley, not at all directed, asks if he genuinely plans to propose to someone? “That’s a good question,” we hear Brooke say. Aaron says he has “very high hopes” which is a nice equivocating dodge. The whole premise of this show is absurd and everybody knows it. What he means is, by the end of the show there may be someone he’d like to hang with some more and see where it goes.
We cut to Heather who says she’s falling for Aaron. Whatever real feelings these women are having at this point I doubt they could really say. The set up is so strange. Heather says he makes her heart melt and then she says he gives her chills. That sounds like the flu. She’s beaming.
We cut back to the gang at dinner. Aaron raises a toast to the greatest date he has had this week for sure. He’s still traumatized by what happened in Napa. While that doesn’t reflect well on Christi, I don’t think his reaction to it all makes him look too good either. He doesn’t strike me as someone who can manage strong emotions in general. One bad bout with PMS and this guy would be running for the hills.
We cut back to the manse and the Lake Powell group have just arrived home. The other women gather round like a pack of jackals. They want to know who Aaron kissed. Christi accuses Heather who denies it. Christi says Heather didn’t look in her in the eye so, she’s lying. Looking incredulous and maybe a little wary, Heather says, “I did not kiss him.”
We cut to the next night and the evening of the rose ceremony. We see all the women arrive looking pretty and glamorous in their cocktail dresses. There was something about this shot that was so surreal to me. It’s all beauty pageant in vibe, but they’re all competing for the approval of one man. It’s just weird.
Aaron will be cutting five of the fifteen women tonight. “One of these women could be my future wife,” Aaron says, widening his eyes. In alarm. What kind of psycho would really marry someone after six weeks on a reality show? Besides Christi, I mean. He tells us “six of the women are ‘shoo-ins,’” but he’s not sure about the others. He wants to chat a little with some of the women.
We see Aaron put his arm around Christi and smile as they head off to the patio. Aaron says in voiceover that she surprised him in Napa by becoming so emotional. Then we cut to them talking or rather, Christi apologizing.
“I’m so sorry that on the date when I made it more… emotionally charged then, you know, it was draining on me—”
“It drained me,” Aaron interjects. Let’s not forget who the world revolves around, missy.
Aaron asks if she and Suzanne were not getting along? The immature need machine has been tucked away and Christi is back in pageant queen mode.“Honestly? On the date? She was a completely different person than she was at the house,” she replies. She’s so faux sincere and full of it. It’s hard to have sympathy for this girl. “You don’t think she’s a very genuine person?” Aaron asks. Christi shakes her head emphatically with an expression like, it’s such a shame, but no. Nope, sorry. Regrettably, nuh-uh.
We cut to Helene and she tells us there has been drama between Christi and Suzanne. She informed Aaron of this and told him she was thinking of leaving. Helene is making her first power play.
We see Helene and Aaron sitting together. She tells him she likes him and everything, but “if things continue to get rully weird and I start to feel rully bad, I’ll just give yew my name and number and be like, call me when the shew’s over.”
Aaron tells us, “I’m all into Helene.” He could tell she was “shaken” by the drama. Spare me. Helene is not shaken by anything, she’s just testing you to see how much you like her. The only one “shaken” is Aaron. He’s going to need a therapist to manage his PTSD from the Napa date.
“Well, hopefully you’ll hang in there, kiddo,” Aaron says, which makes me laugh, because it’s such a clunky response. “I’m gunna tryyyyy,” Helene bleats. I still haven’t adjusted to her accent. It’s a bit much.
Next we see Brooke and Aaron talking. Brooke tells him she hasn’t seen her dad in two years, because he’s “away” and there are things she hasn’t told him about her family. She’s going to wait on that. Aaron smiles and says he respects that. He tells her she’s a sweetheart. Which is just a rejection disguised as a compliment. It’s patronizing. He’s not taking Brooke seriously so, it doesn’t matter what the situation is with her family.
Chris, our cardboard host, sits down with Aaron. He asks him if there’s anyone he’s thinking seriously about proposing to? Is this a real question? He barely knows these people. Aaron gives a heavy sigh and says yes. A couple of girls “really got me going.” By that he means there are a couple of girls he’d really like to have sex with it’s just a matter of deciding who he wants to have sex with the most once the show is over.
The rose ceremony is the buzzkill for me. It’s unnecessarily long—50% of the entire show—so the pacing is turtle speed and it’s 99% filler. Chris tells Aaron that the women have recorded video messages for him to watch. Then it will be time to make the cuts.
Gwen had the most romantic date with him in that hot air balloon.
Shannon had a great time at Lake Powell.
Christi feels like a giddy 12 year old little girl whenever Aaron smiles at her. Aaron’s aware of this, Christi. We’re all aware of this. Coming from you that’s not a compliment so much as a threat. Christi’s inner 12 year old is part Rhoda Penmark and part Jan Brady.
Helene comes on the screen and Aaron breaks into a big smile. She says she “would rully like some one on one time to get tew know yew betturrr.” She tends to do this sing-song thing when she talks.
Hayley says she enjoyed the Lake Powell date.
Angela says she hasn’t spent much time with him.
Heather #2 Not From Texas says she felt a connection with him at “invitation night.” Oh hey, Heather. I didn’t realize you were still around.
Anindita says she had fun at Napa.
Kyla says she thinks he’s an awesome guy.
Suzanne says she hopes to spend more time with him and she thinks he knows what she thinks about him.
Dana thinks he awesome and she had a great time with him. I can’t even remember what group date she was on, but I’ll take her word for it.
Frances says they have things in common. By that, she means they are both well-to-do.
Erin hopes they get to know each other better. That’s like The Bachelor equivalent of someone writing “Have a good summer” in your yearbook.
Texas Heather would just appreciate it if he plans to give her a rose to not call her last.
Brooke says she had fun on their date. She whispers “pick. me.” in a way that’s supposed to be cute, but comes across as too eager imo. Aaron laughs, because he finds it charming.
Chris comes out to the ladies gathered in the living room. He reminds them they are free to reject a rose if they want to. Dun-dun-dun!
There’s some blah blah blah filler. I didn’t take any notes so I’ll just skip forward. Anindita stands up and says she has to say something. Aaron is not remotely thrown off which is how you know he knew this was going to happen. She tells him he’s a great guy, but she’s not feeling him the way other girls are so she going to leave. She hopes that’s okay with him. It is. The other girls make shocked faces. Except for Suzanne, they all look hammy and fake with their reactions. Aaron and Anindita are practically laughing as she walks out of frame. She says bye to everyone and exits.
Then we hear Frances say she needs to go, too. This seems more spontaneous, because the cameras do a quick pan to her and the sound mikes weren’t set up properly so she sounds far away. Aaron clears his throat. He’s a bit less poised about her rejection, but he manages to handle it well enough. Maybe he knew. I mean, it’s “reality” TV and 90% of it is pre-planned.
After they have left, Aaron tells the remaining women Anindita and Frances have “proven” he’s made the right decision. That doesn’t make any sense other than to imply he was planning to cut them anyway which is a bitchy thing to say.
Aaron gives Helene a rose first.
Kyla from Utah makes it through to another round. We barely see or hear from her though so it’s like she’s not there anyway.
Angela accepts.
Shannon accepts.
The camera pans to Brooke who makes a very tense face like the anxiety is almost unbearable.
Gwen accepts.
Brooke makes a tense and weary face.
Christi looks at Aaron and smiles a bit anxiously and winks. Aaron makes a grumpy face. The camera cuts back to Christi who now looks sad.
The camera cuts to Suzanne and she looks smug.
I think the women were directed to play up their facial expressions for the camera and that’s why a few look so over-the-top.
Brooke is called and we cut to Christi who swallows hard several times. Whatever her pageant talent was I hope it wasn’t acting, because she is a total ham.
Brooke sits down after accepting her rose and does this obvious exhale of relief. While not quite as hammy as Christi, it still looks exaggerated.
Heather from Texas is called.
Christi puts on her hurt pouty face and Suzanne still looks smug.
The camera cuts to Erin who looks anxious, but she’s even worse than Christi in the acting department.
Hayley gets a rose.
Heather not from Texas gets a rose.
Christi now just looks sad.
It’s the final rose… Christi’s eyes are wet with tears about to fall, but Aaron, after several heavy sighs, calls her name. As if the producers were going to let Aaron cut her. No deal. It’s says in your contract Aaron, producers have the final word.
So Erin, Dana and Suzanne, along with Anindita and Frances, are out.
Now Christi is on the couch crying with relief. Yes, crying. You’d think she’d want to rein it in a little bit after Napa. We see her talking to Hayley who says she just knew Aaron would call her last. Hayley makes it sound like it’s because Christi is special or something. Which yeah, kinda. Just not special in a good way. Aaron tells us he kept Christi because she made an initial positive impression and he wanted to give her a second chance. Right, lol.
We cut to Christi who tells us throughout the ceremony the one thing she hoped for was that Suzanne didn’t get a rose. Christi’s inner giddy 12 year old is a bit of a spiteful bitch.
We cut to Suzanne who says she wants to have more respect for herself. You know she’s referring to Christi and she adds, “It’s just one guy.
Aaron tells us he cut Suzanne because she wasn’t in it for the right reasons. Blahh, you’re a bad actor, Aaron. We see Suzanne hug Aaron good-bye and she gives him a big wink. Subtle guys.
Erin admits her ego is bruised, but she’ll be fine. Anindita says she felt she needed to go, because her heart wasn’t going pitter-patter like it was for some of the others. Frances is just like, I felt like I should go. I don’t recall what Dana said.
The outro is Christi talking to Brooke. She sounds like someone stuck a key in her back and wound her too tight.
Christi: I’ve never had anyone—
Brooke: [gives a heavy exhale]
Christi: —sweep me off my feet the way Aaron has. I can love Aaron. Like, I could fall in love with Aaron hard. I think I love him now. Like I-I think he’s a great guy. I love him. Like, I know that whether Aaron and I end up together, at the end of all of this, I will, I can and will love-
Brooke: Find somebody—
Christi: —someone else.
Brooke: Yes.
Christi: If it ends tonight—
Brooke: Mmmhmm
Christi: I’ll take that with me—
Brooke: Take that with you—
Christi: —and I-I’ve never appreciated the lesson more—
Brooke: Yeah, I—
Christi: —and I know God brought me here for that.
God’s like, leave me out of this kookoo bird.
See you next episode!
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